Know My Name by Chanel Miller

What is it about?

Chanel Miller, the survivor of the Stanford sexual assault case, tells her story.

OK, but what is it really about?

For the longest time, Chanel Miller was known to the world as “Emily Doe,” the young woman who was sexually assaulted on Stanford University campus in January 2015. The subsequent trial saw her assailant convicted of three felony sex crimes, but the sentencing – six months, of which he only served three – drew national outrage and also made waves globally. 

Miller takes us back to the night it happened, to waking up in a hospital covered in pine needles, not knowing how she got there or why, and slowly understanding that something is dreadfully wrong when she wants to go to the toilet and realizes that her underwear is missing. She is left in the hands of kind medical personnel that gathers and preserves physical evidence to determine the extent of the sexual assault.

Miller learns that she is now a rape victim, but she can’t remember, her memory of the previous night gone. Miller is told that two foreign students from Sweden had saved her from her attacker, tackling him and holding him down until the police came.

She decides to press charges, not really knowing yet what this will entail: a court hearing and a lengthy trial that will leave her in shambles, facing a judicial system designed to protect the assailant, not her, the survivor. 

Miller lets us take part in the whole process, lets us look behind the façade, to how she felt after a day at court, and every minute in between. It’s an intimate memoir, raw and honest – agonizing, but ultimately hopeful.

Is it any good?

I wish we lived in a world where this memoir would never have to be written. But the reality unfortunately looks quite different. That is why I am grateful that Chanel Miller had the courage to write this book – and she is such a gifted writer.

“Writing is the way I process the world,” she says. “When I was given the opportunity to write this book, whatever God is up there said, You got your dream.I said, Actually I was hoping for a lighter topic, and God was like, Ha ha! You thought you got to choose.”

Miller has been through hell, and it’s harrowing and heartbreaking to read her story. She describes her physical and emotional pain after the assault, her coping mechanisms, the days, weeks, even years of waiting for, preparing for and going through trial. She mercilessly exposes the flaws of the judicial system that, instead of supporting survivors coming forward, tends to protect the perpetrators, especially if they are male, privileged and white. 

Even if victims of sexual assault report to the police, their cases are often not picked up by prosecutors, “as one must prove the assault occurred beyond a reasonable doubt.” And even if their cases go to trial, they are picked apart in front of a jury, are forced to relive their biggest nightmare over and over, and have to answer questions about the way they dressed, how much alcohol they drank, if they have ever cheated on their partners before, and if they have always been “party animals.” 

Why, Miller asks, does it feel like she needs to defend herself, when she was the one who was assaulted? Why is it important that her assailant is a successful athlete who has accomplished many good things in the past? Why are his accomplishments highlighted, his possibly lost potential discussed at length, while her life, her potential, her accomplishments seemingly account for nothing? How come he is the one to create the narrative around what happened that night, and how dare he have the audacity to change his story, after he learned that Miller can’t remember anything, to claim that Miller gave her consent? The victim blaming is infuriating.

“My advice is, if he’s worried about his reputation, don’t rape anyone,” Miller writes, and if it wasn’t so outrageous, so sad, so tragic, it’d almost be laughable that a simple truth like this needs to be stressed and spelled out for the unknowing.

The damage and the trauma Miller experienced can never be undone. But Miller refused to let this story break her. After her victim impact statement was published on BuzzFeed and went viral, many people (often survivors themselves) became active. In the direct aftermath of Miller’s case, the California State Legislature passed two bills that changed California state law on sexual assault. Judge Aaron Persky was recalled from the bench – the first time this happened in California in 87 years – for the light jail sentence he had handed to the assailant. 

And Miller herself? She decided to write this book – and to reclaim her identity. The one her assailant almost destroyed. For years, she was only ever referred to as Emily Doe. But now, the world finally learns the name of the woman who “changed the conversation about sexual assault forever” (Glamour), the woman who was strong enough to turn pain into power: Chanel Miller. Know her name.

Most memorable quote?

“You have to hold out to see how your life unfolds, because it is most likely beyond what you can imagine. It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do.”

Conclusion? 

I only have two words: READ IT.

Of course, this memoir comes with plenty of trigger warnings: sexual assault, rape, misogyny, victim blaming, depression, trauma. It will make you feel sick, it will enrage you, it will make you cry, but it will also lift you up. If you think you can manage, READ IT.

AT A GLANCE

Title: Know My Name

By: Chanel Miller

Published by: Penguin Books (2020 – first published in the US in 2019)

Pages: 384

Language: English