How We Met by Huma Qureshi

What is it about?

“How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures” is writer and journalist Huma Qureshi’s memoir about love, loss, faith and personal fulfilment.

OK, but what is it really about?

Growing up in Walsall, near Birmingham, UK, Huma Qureshi finds herself caught between two worlds: the one where she goes to school, has secret crushes and dreams of a bright future like any teenager would, and the one revolving around her South Asian family, with all its colourful traditions but also a lot of rules and expectations.

While her parents encourage her to pursue a higher education and also allow her to study in Paris, the author feels the pressure to get married sooner rather than later – that’s just the way it is, she is often told and she often tells herself. To fulfil her duty as a daughter, she thinks, she must find a husband.

But life almost never turns out the way we expect it to – the same goes for falling in love. After a lot of heartache, Huma Qureshi finally meets the man she wants to grow old with. The problem? He’s white, he’s British, and he’s not a Muslim. Afraid to disappoint her mother – who will certainly disapprove of her choice – she must decide if she wants to follow her heart or do right by her family.

Is it any good?

Huma Qureshi tells her journey of self-discovery with clarity, courage and charm. A gifted writer, she fills the pages of her book unapologetically with warmth and affection, and the love that shines through on every page – for her husband, her sons, her family and for herself – will draw you in and envelop you.

I particularly loved the ending of the book where Huma Qureshi takes her readers to the present (June 2020), to a time where the world has come to a standstill due to COVID-19. Her husband has taken their three sons to the park to give her some peace and quiet to focus on her writing. But she can’t really concentrate and decides to join them instead. She sees them from a distance, on top of a hill. The boys start running down towards her as she makes her way up. They eventually meet in the middle. It’s such a small but meaningful way to end this book: when we take the time to approach one another, appreciate one another, perhaps make little compromises along the way and meet in the middle, we’ll always find a way to move forward.

Most memorable quote?

“I already told you that my story isn’t unique. (…) But that doesn’t mean that stories like mine, everyday stories of falling in love and growing up, arguing with your parents and then making up, sadness and joy and life in all its shades and nuances, the moments that give meaning to life, don’t deserve to be told.”

(I’m very glad that Huma Qureshi decided to write down her story despite initial doubts and share it with the rest of us.)

Conclusion?

Life is full of weird coincidences – it’s funny how I decided to read this book, which had been sitting on my nightstand for a few weeks already, at a time when I felt I was in need of a feel-good story, a tale that lifts me up as I was (and still am) going through a rough time.

While it was all that, I wasn’t prepared for the part in this book when the author’s father suffers a stroke. As I’m typing this, my own father is in hospital after a stroke, and due to the pandemic, we’re not allowed to see him. I miss him. So when I read “How we met” and the way Huma Qureshi talks about how her world stopped and radically changed the moment she got that phone call, it hit so close to home that I needed to halt and take a couple of deep breaths. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had teary eyes the entire time if my dad was still sitting in his orange reading chair at home, book in hand, an earnest look on his face.

At the same time, it felt strangely comforting to read Huma Qureshi’s story, to see that there have been others going through similar situations – and most importantly, that despite everything, despite a phase of immense grief, it all turned out okay in the end. It may take a while. But we’ll soldier on.

AT A GLANCE

Title: How We Met: A Memoir of Love and Other Misadventures

By: Huma Qureshi

Published by: Elliott & Thompson Limited (2021)

Pages: 240

Language: English